Monday, January 27, 2014

"Graaaammy, How I Love Ya, How I Love Ya...My Dear Ol' Grammy....."

unasked, observations re' Grammys....


1) one of three things has happened.....

     a) the whole thing has become a developmentally arrested exercise in self congratulations....

     b) I have simply reached an age when it appears the whole thing has become a developmentally arrested exercise in self congratulations...

     c) any combination of a) and b)



2) if there were still a "Hollywood Squares", Madonna would be in the center...



3) delightful, and poignant, to see Paul and Ringo perform.....even if it's starting to come off just a tad like that part of the wedding reception where the young folk let Grampas Richie and Paul sit in with the band for a number



4) I don't look forward to seeing Taylor Swift come on stage in a pantsuit, cowboy hat and cane in thirty years.



5) there seems to be some grumbling about the "hurry up and get this over with" feel of the "In Memoriam" segment....given the age range of the performers, odds are that was done intentionally so as to guarantee the audience would be able to clearly distinguish between the living and the dead.



6) Best country solo performance
Lee Brice -- "I Drive Your Truck"
Hunter Hayes -- "I Want Crazy"
Miranda Lambert -- "Mama's Broken Heart"
Darius Rucker -- "Wagon Wheel" -- WINNER
Blake Shelton -- "Mine Would Be You"

     despite Nashville's best effort to lay claim to a seat at the mainstream table, NARAS kept them in their place as each and every country award was awarded to, arguably, the least "country" act in the nominee list, up to and including "best country solo performance" being awarded to the former leader of the Blowfish, for a song co-written by Bob Dylan.



7) Adele retains her affectionately deserved darling status, although she hasn't released anything new in, what, about five years, with her win for "Skyfall", the theme from that James Bond film that was released, what, about five years ago?



8) Kacey Musgraves...love her....have since her debut....as for her winning multiple country awards, see 6)



9) Best pop instrumental album
Herb Alpert -- "Steppin' Out" -- WINNER
Boney James -- "The Beat"
Earl Klugh -- "Handpicked"
Dave Koz, Gerald Albright, Mindi Abair and Richard Elliot -- "Summer Horns"
Jeff Lorber Fusion -- "Hacienda

     now that's some funny shit, right there.



10) Best R&B song
"Best of Me" -- Anthony Hamilton
"Love and War" -- Tamar Braxton
"Only One" -- PJ Morton featuring Stevie Wonder
"Pusher Love Girl" -- Justin Timberlake -- WINNER
"Without Me" -- Fantasia featuring Kelly Rowland and Missy Elliott

     hey, Kanye! the white guy won! bwahahahahahahahahaha....



11) in a wonderful advance in the war on drugs, who needs peyote when you have Paul Williams standing in front of Daft Punk



12) Paul McCartney never won a Grammy for "Eleanor Rigby", "Hey Jude" or even "Yesterday"...but wins one for "Cut Me Some Slack".....okay...



13) Best traditional pop vocal album
"Viva Duets" -- Tony Bennett and various artists
"To Be Loved" -- Michael Bublé -- WINNER
"The Standards" -- Gloria Estefan
"Cee Lo's Magic Moment" -- Cee Lo Green
"Now" -- Dionne Warwick

     ladies and gentlemen, the new standard by which great vocalists are measured....Michael Buble'....hmmm....thinking of that scene in the uncut version of "Alien" where Sigourney comes across the newly webbed, breeding host Tom Skerritt who whispers desperately to her, "kiiillllll meeeeee"



14)  gluten free? who cares. Miley free? now you're talkin!



15)  feel bad for Miley, though....since Robin didn't win, she won't get the deposit back on the five thousand foam fingers rented for the acceptance number.



16) Best dance recording
"Need U (100%)" -- Duke Dumont featuring A*M*E & MNEK
"Sweet Nothing" -- Calvin Harris featuring Florence Welch
"Atmosphere" -- Kaskade
"The is What it Feels Like" -- Armin Van Buuren featuring Trevor Guthrie
"Clarity" -- Zedd featuring Foxes -- WINNER

     one thing makes me feel pretty sure I've outgrown all of this....I have no fucking idea who any of these people are...




I realize, and freely admit, that I've not been much for these kinds of shows for...well, ever....and, in my defense, I did open with what I believe to be a valid disclaimer (see...1)...)...

...and all of the preceding rambling was, much like all of the nominations and actual awards involved in the Grammy process itself, purely a matter of subjective, personal opinion...

...so, don't let me pee in your bowl of morning after Grammy cheer Cheerios.

If you're still hungry after that, though, here's a little food for thought....

....some years ago, a Columbia University professor conducted research, via computer, taking into account the number of notes in the musical scale and determining that, by the year 2005, every possible combination of musical notes available to the human ear would have been used, at least, once....

    ...he was only off by 9 years.




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