Kim Kardashian's recent naked picture tweets have pushed female stars to take sides. Several celebrities used International Women's Day on Tuesday (March 8th) to defend her from slut-shamers including Bette Midler and Chloë Grace Moretz who tweeted about her the day before.
Bella Thorne injected herself into the beef between Kim and Chloë writing, "I think every woman should be allowed to make their own choices with their OWN bodies soo...and it's not our place to tell them what they can and can't do with their body ..#internationalwomensday"
Abigail Breslin also joined Team Kim writing, "Slut shaming isn't chill ever. Anybody who tries to say how a woman chooses to display their OWN body is wrong, is severely misinformed and misguided."
Girl Meets World star Rowan Blanchard tweeted, "Girls being nude publicly isn't new: but isn't it nice when they can be the subject of the image, & the portrayer too?"
Gone Girl actress Emily Ratajkowski seemed to address Piers Morgan's comments about Kim writing, "Love when a man comments on a woman’s decision to post a nude photo. Her body, her career. Sexist bulls**t."
Bette also took some time to respond to Kim calling her a "fake friend" by writing, "I never tried to fake friend you. Looks like anyone can take a selfie but not everyone can take a joke..."
Miley Cyrus took to Instagram to call out all the women who are weighing in on Kim's pics by sharing a picture of the star's butt Kimoji and writing, "Dear women, you ALL are acting tacky AF! Why don't we overly (myself included) fortunate women come together and try to create and bring jobs to other women in desperate need of them so they can support not only THEMSELVES but their families! #happyinternationalwomensday. Can we all put the c***iness aside for one f***ing day and love / celebrate one another! PS no matter how hard you (or myself) work NEVER will I feel I am worthy of the comfort I live in. Because so many others while I tuck myself in at night are laying their head on the pavement, dreaming of all the things we take for granted every day. Much love to all my women!!!!"
Whatever the underlying value of all this sisterly support may, or may not be, I'm personally looking forward to the moment in Miley's maturity when her inner self esteem ratchets up to the point where she no longer feels the need to add c*** as an adjective, verb, adverb or noun.
She's getting there. But still got a long, f***ing way to go.
Meanwhile, from the Rhodes Scholar side of town, the Empress of all Things Selfie, herself, weighed in.
And, no, that's not body shaming. It's a perfectly acceptable description of one's contribution to a conversation.
So, shut the f*** up.
Sorry, Miley moment.
Kim Kardashian penned an essay on her site entitled "Happy International Women's Day" where she addressed the celebs who bashed her for posting nude pics. She wrote, "In all seriousness, I never understand why people get so bothered by what other people choose to do with their lives. I don't do drugs, I hardly drink, I've never committed a crime—and yet I'm a bad role model for being proud of my body?"
She continued, "I am empowered by my body. I am empowered by my sexuality. I am empowered by feeling comfortable in my skin. I am empowered by showing the world my flaws and not being afraid of what anyone is going to say about me. And I hope that through this platform I have been given, I can encourage the same empowerment for girls and women all over the world."
She also shouted out her husband Kanye, who she says is "so accepting and supportive and who has given me newfound confidence in myself." She also added that she wants her daughter North West to "be proud of who she is. I want her to be comfortable in her body. I don't want her to grow up in a world where she is made to feel less-than for embracing everything it means to be a woman."
She ended her essay with, "It's 2016. The body-shaming and slut-shaming—it's like, enough is enough. I will not live my life dictated by the issues you have with my sexuality. You be you and let me be me. I am a mother. I am a wife, a sister, a daughter, an entrepreneur and I am allowed to be sexy."
Okay.
Now, he said, as the plot thickened, we have Sharon Osborne "givin' that girl some skin" support.
And, of course, now, Bette who has taken the nude up a notch with her mock-bitchy backhand.
Well, fun is fun and who amongst us can't enjoy a guffaw or two in these troubling, boy, we sure could use some guffaws times in which we find ourselves.
But let's get back to Kim and her decision to stand up for women by stripping away the....well, actually, just stripping away.
Again.
For what seems like the kabillionth time.
And, with all due respect ("....and Mr. Dennit, I said with all due respect...") here's the problem that I have with Kim's kause and, frankly, Kim's whole kollection of komedy kapers.
Respectfully submitted in the form of an open letter.
Dear Kim...
Can I call you Kim? I feel like I know you. Scratch that. I've seen you completely naked a kabillion times so, surely, calling you by your first name won't stretch the parameters of proper too much.
Or at all.
You don't know me from Adam and although my work does put my name in various and sundry "public" places from time to time, I'm pretty sure you haven't come across it. Chances are good that you simply never have the occasion to wander over into my world.
Or the world that everyone except you and your family/entourage inhabit.
But I don't want to go off topic and start talking about both the bubble in which you live and the bubble which, in your case, is almost always followed by the word "head".
Let me just put it to you directly.
You're out of your league when it comes to advocacy.
Wait. That was the wrong thing to say.
You are way, way, way out of your league when it comes to advocacy.
Because while the cause that you profess to represent is noble enough, your motives for representing it are mendacious.
I was going to call your motives disingenuous but that word means "not candid or sincere, typically by pretending that one knows less about something than one really does" and I'm convinced that it's literally impossible for you to know less than you do.
As far as mendacious goes, by the way, put down the Vanity Fair for five minutes and pick up a Thesauraus.
Here's the naked truth.
You are not a talent, you are not an artist, you are not accomplished, you are not a prodigy or proficient.
You are, in fairness, a purveyor and a peddler (actually, that was a trick two fer, those words mean the same thing...again, princess, Thesaurus...) marketing a product that has been, by anyone's reasonable definition, phenomenally successful.
Again, in fairness, though, credit for that has to go to your mother. Because we, all of us, every ding damn one of us, know that while you and your sisters might be "sellin' it, honey", it was your mother who sold you and your sisters to every ding damn one of us in the first place.
And while this latest aureola adventure of yours might get you some "atta, girls" from some of the show biz sistahood and, of course, the millions of young girl between the ages of 8 and 14 who think that you and Larry and Curly are the hippest of the hippest, the rest of the population, and more importantly, the young women older than 15 who have a brain in their head recognize what you're doing and who you are for exactly what they are.
Yet another moment in a long history of moments where the spotlight fades from you just long enough to cause sufficient panic on your part to compel you to brighten that light with yet another smartphone scream of "see my titties???".
Don't get me wrong. I'm a healthy American male, gray haired years of living notwithstanding, and I'm totally down with naked, both as a concept and as a sensory delight.
But your nudity is offensive.
Not for what it shows.
But for what you're doing with it.
Flashing your naked body to a global audience and trying to rationalize, justify and/or legitimize it with a faux Norma Rae malarkey about empowerment.
You want to know what people think empowerment looks like?
Put that Vanity Fair back down again, princess, and pick up an encyclopedia.
Read about, say, Rosa Parks.
That's empowerment, baby.
And all she did was sit down.
Fully clothed.
Your nudity is offensive because you're not really using it to further a cause.
You're using the cause as an excuse to post yet another naked picture of yourself.
Because that's what you do.
Get naked.
Take pictures.
Not a talent, not an art, not an accomplishment.
Just an embarrassment.
And an insult to those who really need to feel unashamed and empowered.
Jerry Seinfeld nailed it a long time ago.
There's good naked...and there's bad naked.
And you and your pathetic need to be noticed?
Bad naked, Kimmy.
Bad naked.
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