Wednesday, March 16, 2016

"...So, What Will He Be Wearing Besides The Leather Jacket and the Fedora?....Depends..."

Clinton sweeps, Trump rolls on, Kasich wins one, Rubio drops out.

Florida, North Carolina, Missouri, Ohio,  Illinois all have their say.

Yeah, whatever.

Let's talk the really big news.

Indiana, baby.

Harrison Ford is set to crack his whip one more time. Disney has announced that he and Steven Spielberg will be teaming up once again for a fifth installment of Indiana Jones.

The studio said in a statement, "Indiana Jones is one of the greatest heroes in cinematic history, and we can't wait to bring him back to the screen in 2019. It's rare to have such a perfect combination of director, producers, actor and role, and we couldn't be more excited to embark on this adventure with Harrison and Steven."

The release date has been set for July 19th, 2019.

Rumors of an Indiana Jones reboot have been popping up for years with various actors rumored to be filling Harrison's shoes including Chris Pratt. Spielberg addressed the rumors back in December saying, "It's certainly not my intention to ever have another actor step into his shoes in the way there have been many actors that have played Spider-Man or Batman. There is only going to be one actor playing Indiana Jones and that's Harrison Ford."

The last Indiana Jones movie, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
, was released in 2008.

Before the lampooning begins, and you just had to know that the lampooning would begin, I'm going on record as saying that I've been an Indy supporter since day one a long time ago.

A very, very, very long time ago.

Well, okay, the lampooning just sort of happens automatically.

But, I sincerely am a Dr. Jones fan, though, and by way of proof, check it out. An admitted film buff (and yes, I know that term seems a little to the nerd side of geek, but, trust me, it's the only way that this carb loving boy is ever gonna find a way to describe himself using the word buff), I can validate my claim to Indiana Jones appreciation by testifying, truthfully, that Raiders of the Lost Ark is the only movie that I have ever, in my entire life, enjoyed enough to pay to see twice in an actual movie theater.

Twice. When Raiders first came out.

A long time ago.

A very, very, very long time ago.

That said, it's impossible to avoid, if not actually jumping on the bandwagon, for fear of breaking a hip, at least tailgating right behind the bandwagon of affectionate, but very age-ist, posts, tweets, comments and catcalls that greeted the news that 73 year old Harrison Ford will, once again, portray the daring, daunting Indy-pendant action hero.

And, just so we're accurate on the years thing, he's be closer to 75 by the time they start filming this thing.

I'll fess up right up front and admit that this here brain automatically set on "satire and/or snark" immediately kicked into third gear in the quest to pun the hell out of potential titles for this new Indy adventure.

New, and of course, at the same time, old.

Very, very, very old.

But, even I, of the quick wit and ever vigilant smart assness couldn't match the speed with which Facebook and Twitter and Instagram (and Jerry Mathers as the Beaver) came alive with suggestions for an appropriate title.

"Indiana Jones and....Wait!....What Was I Saying?"

"Indiana Jones and The Elevating Stair Chair."

"Indiana Jones and The Cruel March of Time"

"Indiana Jones and The Search for Depends."

"Indiana Jones and the Goddamn Kids On The Lawn"\

and, of course, at least one good allusion to the adventure that started them all...

"Raiders of the Lost Memory".

For me, though, the award, at least for now, goes to a more subtle, yet delightfully applicable, suggestion.

"Indiana Jones and the Perpetually Blinking Left Turn Signal"

Trust me, kids. By the time you hit, say, 60, that one is going to have you laughing until you're in danger of breaking a hip.

Okay. All in good fun.

Those of us who love Indiana Jones and who not don't want to, but cant, see anybody but Harrison Ford play the part are both excited...and taking on faith that Spielberg will come up with something that mercifully wipes out all memories of the Crystal Skull.

And it's not an exaggeration to say that, literally, millions of fans are looking forward to a brand new adventure with an old favorite.

Ah. You thought I was going to add "very, very, very old favorite" didn't you?

Well, at some point, the jokes do start to wear a little thin.

In fact, it's more accurate to say, that at some point, the jokes start to get old.

Very, very, very old.

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